Wednesday, February 01, 2012

She heard my Silence

It was one cold winter midnight and I was lying on my bed completely wrapped around by the quilt to cheat the weather God. It was calm all around. The ‘tick tick’ sound of my room clock was hearing so clearly that one could say it was ‘tick clock silence’ as against ‘pin drop silence.’ Ha ha ha! Rolling from side to side or lying straight on back or belly, nothing helped me to bring in that evading sleep after a hectic day. Oh God! What is happening with me? I exclaimed in vain. Then I realized that my thoughts were lingering around this pretty girl whom I even forgot long back until I saw a photo of hers today in one of the social networking sites. At once memory flood gates opened and I was inundated with all those beautiful moments when she was around me. I became lost in those remnants and that is the reason for which my eyes denied closing. Cool breeze was blowing and the clock was still ticking ‘tick tick tick’.

This girl happened to be my classmate during my post graduation. To call her my lover will be a sin or to call her my girlfriend will amount to a grave crime. So what the damn thing was she to me? Till now I am also in search of an appropriate answer for this puzzle. So it will be safe to call her my friend (not convincing enough). From the day one I had a sort of crush on her. Her large pearly eyes made me go weak on my knees. The cute smile of her coming straight from the heart (Oh my God!) will make any ordinary person a great poet overnight. Her slender figure coupled with her milky skin made things worse for me whenever I saw her. Who told God is merciful, definitely not, he should be the most cruel person else he would have not created such an excellent art and killed me every moment with its beauty. Unfortunately english becomes a poor language when it comes to expressing her beauty. So I could only bring out half of her beauty through words, the other half remains elusive and left only to be experienced.

During my college days, I became a very studious guy not grades but for her grace. Admiring her from a distance is all I could do then. For many days she did not even know about me (in a class of 50 pupils…quite expected for an ordinary looking guy like me) that I am studying in the same class of hers. Following her without her knowledge was my forte (off course this is true with almost all the guys). After many months, for the first time ever when she called my name and congratulated me for becoming a topper (unexpectedly though) in one of my papers (don’t even remember the subject now…!) I was floating two inches above the ground for the next few days. The happiness of hearing my name through her lips overtook the happiness of becoming the topper.

With time slowly she too came to know about my following and liking for her. But at any point of time she could never conclude that I am hitting on her for my entire admiration was happening through a distance by gesturing and following and I never could speak a word to her about my liking for her. It is told that “when you have a very strong desire to attain something, nature conspires to make you achieve that goal”. So my liking was so intense that she could not ignore it. Slowly unknowingly (I think..) she also started reciprocating. A silent romantic movie was on display which very few people around us could notice. Those face to face meets in the canteen, those side glances while passing against each other in the class or anywhere for that matter, those slight smiles in between the lectures, those subtle gestures in between the group discussions etc etc……. everything was so beautiful and romantic that I never imagined that such unique moments will ever happen in my life. The beauty of our relationship lies in not speaking a word but still we were aware about the strong liking that grew between us. And it stayed that way thereafter forever. Neither I had the courage to open up my heart to her not she had the necessity (not the right word….but true in a sense) to approach me. (She was a north Indian and I am a south Indian)

Then both of us departed and started walking our own ways. We did not have an opportunity to meet after that. A famous saying comes to my mind now “Man proposes but God disposes” which is rightly applicable to our small yet beautiful relationship.

After about 4 year’s time I happened to see her picture in one of the Social networking sites along with her fiancĂ©. At that moment all the drama that happened between us started running like a cinema in front of my eyes (without interval though ). At the end of it, all that I could was to laugh to myself and feel grateful for her for bestowing me with such a unique and deeper experience of life. At present, I don’t know where do I stand in her mind and whether or not I stand at all, but from the bottom of my heart I wish her a very happy , successful and a fulfilling married life. May God bless you dear ……!

Suddenly, I was back to my senses when I heard the sound of the toilet door being opened (mom was using that). Then I saw the time it was already one hour beyond midnight and I had to leave to office early the next day due to some important assignment. So with heavy heart and wet eyes I had no other option but to pull up my blanket tight and sleep.

Now again the only sound I could hear was ‘tick tick tick tick……..’

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